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06 July 2004



"YES, AREN'T YOU??" :)


Daisy-Winnefred, what a hilarious and heartfelt story.

Good grief. It's 2004. You mean to tell me that there are STILL people out there who fret about which side of the see-saw someone else happens to sit on? I felt I was reading from a scene in Wuthering Heights, except the woman must have been awfully disappointed not to find Heathcliff at the door. What if you had told you were BI?

Your sunny outlook certainly gave the encounter the grace that understanding needs.


"and that living within walking distance of the lane meant that she was ‘infected’ by some sort of virus or other."

Oh, dear. Perhaps you and all the other lesbians on the block should arrange for large quarantine signs on her gate. Purely as a public service.



Beth W.

Your reaction says so much about your excellent character. . . . as your neighbor's action says about her lack thereof. (I have to admit to giggling, though, because you wrote this so well. I just have this image of a very small person shouting up to you. . .) Continue on in your joy.


What a graceful lesson to be had in your wonderful account of the appalling rudeness of people who are puppets to the short strings of ignorance and fear.... I wish we all could have seen that woman’s face when you turned her ‘distress’ inside out and – let’s hope – inspired her to face and learn from the absurdity of both her concerns and her knocking at your door with such questions in the first place.

Coup de Vent

Hmm. Grace is something which I strive for in those kind of offensive circumstances but, articulate as I am in some situations, I often just get as far as fuck off and here's a helpline number. It's also hard sometimes not to be caught so off guard by mad and hostile communications that one could spend too much time just pinching oneself and wishing others were present to witness the bizarreness of what is going on.

I live in a Yorkshire village but my partner and I are most likely the only lesbians at present though I do keep thinking I must get the Hackney Gazette to do a special feature on my village and send all and any lefties up north. Ironically, it was only recently in London that I was personally threatened for being a dyke which funnily enough I just blogged about.

I can appreciate the support(?) which reading Adrienne Rich lends to one's sanity. She so understands the madness lesbians and other conscious women have to wade through on an hourly basis.

But also importantly, should we, the readers, assume that all this was conducted in Welsh accents? Because that reads quite differently then.


Thank you all for your comments. I am never very good at responding to the comments though I always read them and am grateful for the time and energy it takes each commenter to post feed back.

I do tend to write back individually if I do anything but at present because of less ease using this technology because of bodily blip I hope you will accept a response back to you all as a group.

I am glad if my account made you smile because the situation made me smile too and trying to recount the absurdity of the moment as you say Coup de Vent was way to hold it up for witnesses even though there was no one else there at the time.

As those who know me in the flesh so to speak will attest the F word often passes my lips but not often aimed at an individual, though it is known:0) That doesn’t mean I cannot be forthright and vociferous in my defence of my life and liberty or of another’s for that matter. I have the ability to come up with some grand one liners even in the most inopportune moments which comes back to my sense of the ridiculous I suppose.

I can only say that life is about joy as far as I am concerned and though I wade through shit I still find perfume of roses permeating the moment.

I think the interchange with ‘the woman at my front door’ became more Welsh accented as time went on. Especially when I came to exclaim I was a lesbian and it was a wonderful state of affairs. The “isn’t it” is rarely a question when used in Wenglish but statement of intent or fact. As I speak Wenglish much of the time the accent was definitely on the statement of fact rather than question emphasis.

Of course things are complicated when I speak because I went and left Wales and got Edjucated not only in the needs of English people and others who couldn’t understand a fast speaking heavily accented 17 year old, even though she spoke perfectly good English, but in my need to communicate. So put me in the heart of the Royal Welsh Agricultural Show and English friends think I am actually speaking in Welsh to farming friends, put me in lecture hall addressing a broad spectrum of people and words like Eweniversity will still be ‘wrong’ and r’s will still get rolled but there will also be traces of many of the other places I have lived. Growing up with a lilting musical language all around me both Wenglish and English as well as Welsh means that the accent is always part of the equation when it comes to communication.

I have also been told that my lack of punctuation is certainly a reflection of how I talk. Hey why breath when you can speak is what I say:0)

Paul Tomblin

Ok, I'm neither a lesbian or a gay male, but wouldn't the best response to a question like "ARE YOU A LESBIAN?" would be "Sorry, but I don't fancy you"?


Possibly your repost would be fine Paul if I thought being a lesbian was just about sex / fancying someone or that it is common occurrence to bang on a strangers door and demand they tell me their sexuality because there is some hidden law that demands everyone has the same sexuality as me.

Her question was neither invite or question not laced with negative connotation and accusation. Don't you think answering her question with your repost might have fed into her already badly informed mind and fed the fear she was so clearly demonstrating.

When was the last time someone screamed at you 'ARE YOU STRAIGHT!' and you answered 'Sorry but I don't fancy you?' I'd guess probably not recently or at all and I wonder if it has happened or were to happen without any connotation that it is a sexual enquiry whether you would respond with any allusion to 'fancying'.

You see, me being a Lesbian is not just a sexual thing, frankly if it was supposed to be I'd have left the 'ranks' with a dishonourable discharge for lack of active service but like you my sexuality informs my whole life, my view on the world and my interaction with it. It is not a coat I put on to go out on the prowl it is the who what and why of me. So, when someone questions that 'me' so vehemently even if it is absurdly, my only response can be one that emphasis the real joy, truth and enjoyment it is for me to find myself able to hold my hand up and my head for that matter and say 'Yes I am a lesbian, Great isn't it'

What I would wish for is not tolerance of me being 'less than normal' but acceptance that I am 'me' no more no less than the person who asks the question. A human being whose identity is bound up with her sexuality but this does not mean that lesbian spells sex.


Just catching up. This post killed me.

I'm going to buy a condo and name it LesboCondoRow, and invite all my friends. oh, yes! S, this is WONDERFUL stuff. Good for you.

still giggling....


Oh my heavens .... it IS 2004! I wonder what she will do when she crosses your path while out walking in the future?

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