news of ‘get out of jail card’ laughter at possibility silence at enormity of change
quickened heart beat at glimmer of moon spotted
through breaking cloud
glistening silver Earth, flash of red from woodpecker and robin silence and songs
hopeful line full of steaming clothes caught
between azure sky and blue fingers
hot shower eases spasm gives me reason to be
thankful for such riches
onions carrot parsnip and pepper colours of a beginning ending in soup
no thought save what a long
way from my bed the u-bend seems
renewed by chill fresh air involuntarily
echoing u-bend shape as movement burns
prone on settee watching light play on silver birch and hill beyond
from
vantage point on top of crate a dog snores contentedly in my ear
a friend’s voice gives me reason to smile and be thankful
soya yoghurt and cyclizine
finally agree my stomach can be resting place.
too bright for my eyes
sunrise lifted my heart then I fell over.
wrote letters leeks needed
using roasted some souped the rest.
white out helped me look more
clearly
how far I have travelled in
the last two months.
no giant leaps or even steps
as the silence smiled
footprints in the snow remind
me I progress
snow arrived early on a
northerly wind midst the still darkness of the morning.
heart quickening flurries of
light falling as fragrance on a dogs nose.
the balancing act of
chemicals falls apart
faced with twisted muscles
and torn tendons
bird food sack and dogs fresh
chicken watch
as I fall to the floor with
bananas in my hand.
leg propped up all day soft
pillows and tough neoprene
silence broken popping
tablets out of blister pack tick of clock.
morning air crackles with
snow flurries and icicle dreams
wrapped against the cold and
strapped against the pain
feeding bird tables and
hanging feeders Robin and I smile
do we both feel fortunate I
know I do.
painkiller fizz catches my
attention though green beaker doesn’t change dire taste
standing watching birds
washing dishes make salad ignore needing to elevate leg
hot porridge small white bowl
cold hands warmed in silent reverie
strip bed bundle soiled
towels bedding into black bag let it roll down stairs
two full loads kitchen
steaming as washing hangs from radiator and line
recognition of pain no defeat
elevated leg gives space to think and dream
counting snowflakes soothing
as counting sheep without the sleep
filling hot water bottle we
three settle to an afternoon of silence
laughter at me with trousers
down round my knees as coffee arrives
kindness and professional
assessment go hand in hand and offer relief
removing replacing battery
means too long on leg but achievement is great
elevate leg and listen to the
fizz of painkillers yet again
hungry birds playing dogs
snoozing cat pecking rain porridge bubbling morning
slow day pain high
concentration low hot shower ease to mind if not leg thankful
the gift of ‘good-morning’ found
picking up the phone makes a long night vanish
map keys traffic destination
found freecycle pick up makes me smile
looking in boxes and bags
finding materials and ideas galore at resource centre
fresh carrots newspaper and
cootching with dogs a gentle end to the day.
lost in thought wandering no
plan preparation presence the hours pass as void
routines followed unaware
until two dogs stand close and share their warmth
in bed watching light begin
to grow welcoming wishes and dreams of a new day
finding cat watching my
ungainly manoeuvre to standing position brings laughter
attentive dogs raise my
spirits encourage my slow progress to bird tables
sitting quietly cutting out
shapes contentment purpose imagination become one
first stab at reducing pain
meds by mid morning knew this was not the day to try
pulled The Saturday Book off
the to read pile ‘lost’ the afternoon found myself
rough night spent crawling to
u-bend exhausted by continuous
slow motion movement is too
far from still defeated by pace
warm water sprays life across
the battered body revived by H2O
sun streaming through cloud
break as it sets self renewed by nature
‘juggling’ is hard to do
standing on one leg eyes shut and arm tied behind back
so today I painted landscapes
in my mind as other balls fell away ‘til a tomorrow
stripping bed mopping floor
being liberal with the disinfectant start to the day
wrapping strapping pain
killers and porridge pencil paper list of reminders
remove chilli plants collect
fallen leaves clean kitchen window with claw and cloth
focus on the task scrub
draining board bowl cutlery drainer butler sink smile
two dogs smiling at the
prospect of boiled rice and chicken soup
clean kitchen window birds
seen more clearly magic in washing up
in the garden surveying the
damage from snow and flood still made me smile
an hour a day out there from
February 1st would be good just the leg to agree
managed to truly make in
roads on the kitchen felt good in mind bad in leg
hot water bandages strapping
and painkillers accompany me in to the evening.
slept late and missed the
sunrise but the sun still rose for me, thanks
very quiet day astounded by
the clear starlit night standing on back step
over a month since I tried to
sleep without pillow mountain under my leg
sleep and leg both elude my
intent thought and ideas are still freely mine
touching sunrise felt the new
the possible heard the song of light joined in
realised again what joy there
is in my life when I heard a friend laugh.
waited through the night for
daybreak missed it with my head down toilet
long day grey inside and out
ginger honey hot water lemon warmth calm peace
struggled to strap knee
swollen from trying to lift boxes probably
needed to drive to nursing
home pain each time I moved my foot
laughed to find it was my GP
attending she just raised a knowing eyebrow
long hot shower ginger
infusion and cootching dogs all’s well in the world
found ways to relax another’s
fears enough for them to speak and smile
watched RnB run a true
expression of freedom translated to my heart
nosebleeds tinnitus washing
machine disinfectant bills and decisions day begins
watched the moon in the
morning sky as the sun appeared above the hill
surrounded by light bird song
and playing dogs I sat with Flo and breathed deeply
exhausted early evening
trying to push knee too much too soon again ok I rest
winter gently taps at the
window with white dancing fingers morning silence sings
waited most of the day to
travel up the valley as I couldn’t risk another fall.
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