Blue Moon Year

Hello I'm Over Here...

New beginnings deserve a new face though the personal visage stays the same the idea and impetus of this blog has travelled over to Three Elements where daily posts could well have begun:0)

Day 244 September

drained by lack of sleep pain on many levels Flo still ‘blessing’ my bed and floors

listening to early morning buzzard cry wishing to fly stillness gives me thermals

clear blue sky opens up the valley as trees and shrubs stretch towards the light

full washing line drying easily as I spend time in garden clearing flood debris

 

Made slow progress clearing shed on yard, damage done by rodents and rain means demolition only solution but first the stiffed contents to sift and sort. Another space held in stasis by stasis, maybe this is the place to begin to discover channels flowing freely again.

Found cream coloured cushion cover with insert in charity shop. Cover is beautiful cotton, idea for a ‘journey’ sewn onto the cover to give extra texture and interest on the front plus ‘journey’ words sewn on the back with key to the map in symbols explained.

A poem from Tony Harrison called ‘Turns’ found me today.

Day 233 August

watching rain beat against window with intent glad to find kitchen wall inside dry

standing under hot water torrent considering next square of painting hopefully

 

Made another dice this time a directional one, the dice idea keeps coming back but not there yet with the idea.

Flat packed boxes arrived for packing, pleased with thickness of cardboard. Means they will certainly be used more than once.

Received my first postcard through ‘Postcrossing’ from someone in Finland, I love the idea but know I won’t be a huge participant because of cost; astounded to find some people are sending a 100 or more postcards every month they are the collectors and traders…me I just want to say hello.

A poem by Julia Copus called ‘In Defenc of Adultery’ found me today.

Day 232 August

large marrow brings thoughts of roasted veg steaming bowls of soup too soon

crusty soughdough encourages further thought of leaf fall and misty mornings

summer is still warm but autumnal damp is certainly doing reconnoitring trips

slugs revel in leaf sauna eating their way joyously through free garden picnic

 

Doc appointment, more discussion further pictures to be taken as soon as possible as pain now spreading which points to either further infection or damage from last fall now raising it’s head fully above the pain barrier:0( either way it is meaning little real rest and even less sleep except in exhausted pass out mode.

Second hand books begin to arrive to meet my small reading list for the days leading up the Equinox, books off my shelves already here and a few found second hand will keep my brain ticking a little. Today arrived ‘Going Inside. A Tour round a Single Moment of Consciousness’ by John McCrone, it’s not newly published but tis new to me as is the other book of this author I have found second hand ‘The Myth of Irrationality: The Science of the Mind from Plato to Star Trek'.

A poem by Imtiaz Dharker called “They’ll say, ‘She must be from another country’ found me today.

Day 231 August

forgiveness or forgetfulness neither needs understanding only knowing

restless realisation reaches misses sits stunned only to discover tilted ground

 

A poem by Alice Oswald called ‘Mountains’ found me today

Day 230 Agust

paper and mark making helps me to think see things I often miss otherwise

the image is rarely about a thought but the seeing beyond looking understanding

wrestling with progress projections place in the now begins with taking time to sit

shaman pilgrim journeywoman none are truth all are glimmers as I breath in light

 

Spent time discussing the wee flock I am about to be a shareholder of, sleeping partner but certainly interested and active in my way so seeking out best price for  electric mesh fencing etc. The gals look like they will arrive the beginning of September if all the paperwork gets approved. Shetland and Bluefaced Leicesters pure bred and cross bred.

Continued working on bathroom, and began to consider what needs packing up in kitchen and what else I can take to charity shops put on Freecycle or give to people I know. Now have some decent packing boxes so contents can sit in carport safely then I will be able to use them for storage in work room etc after next stage of building work is completed.

A poem by Muriel Rukeyser called ‘Waking This Morning’ found me today.

 

Day 229 August

what spec of dust am I that I am conscious of a moment but miss so many

human challenged confused courageous committed to the journey oft wishing not

 

A day of thought reading arriving late for appointment perplexed so wrong about the time, wrote it down wrongly again at the end of the meeting, confirming the gaps in cognition… or just expression of exhaustion and pain.

Shifts and small changes better than I could hope for more than dare to wish for but it happens slowly and becomes familiar. A fresh chart begins to appear for the next stage of this journey but the choppy waters are already lapping at my toes before I sail out in to the deep so know that preservation needs to be considered too.

Watched Good Will Hunting on iplayer, only12 years after the release or some such. Can see why it was nominated for so many Oscars. The screenplay was really good and Robin Williams fully deserved his supporting actor Oscar; understated and he acts everyone off the screen.

A poem by Louise Gluck called ‘Mirror Image’ was the poem that found me today

Day 228 August

understanding the journey is never really possible barring resting knowing ease

not about momentum forward or back but about the moment and being in it

chaos of bathroom dumped in kitchen besieged daily pickup move trip soon over

the domestic overwhelms whilst giving small satisfactions in each step made

 

New shower enclosure works well room to move around and sit if needs be. No more hauling myself over the bath side or falling out. Shower needed some adjusting, certainly woke me up with its ice cold flow, builders came back and accessed thermostat control now hot water flows. Lighting still needs some help exploring alternatives.

Began to collect and tie up all cardboard and other recyclable materials from recent builders work plan trip to tip this coming week.

So want to do something other than cottage ‘remodel’ but know this is what I need to be doing for that something to be more than fleeting play.

Books in the post arrived ,

A poem from Dennis O’Driscoll called You was the poem that found me today.

Day 227 August

 

each step towards cottage being repaired ready for a changing life is decision

each standstill reminder of how far the journey has taken me so sitting is fine

 

Fine day, good for the two huge loads of washing to dry in the air. Dogs snoozing on the yard whilst I snooze a little too. No builders but plenty of evidence of their recent presence in plaster prints and white film sandpaper like textures on many surfaces. Decided on silver pipe work plus wainscoting and door. The door has multi coloured storage over much of its surface and pipes having been lowered to wainscoting level so nothing blaring statement; the towel rail and loo roll holder painted silver too.

Cleaning the bathroom takes a long time for such a small room but it involves lots above head height so not easy on neck shoulders and spine. So looking forward to standing in shower.

A poem from Jaan Kaplinski called ‘Once I got a postcard…’was the poem that found me today

Day 226 August

eyes on other days heart on today head letting fall the moment found complete

failing to discover but none the less challenged found wanting still searching

joy in a diagram understood explained encouraged to be built beyond capacity

satisfaction in the solving making the brain work pushing logic finding laughter

 

As the bathroom came finally near its completion today I sat considering the other major parts of the work needing to be done here. First comes the external fabric of the cottage so kitchen and workroom window lintels and sills are first on the list, hopefully achieved before winter sets in. With the mess of that job the fireplace lintel in kitchen needs raising and chimney properly blocked off and vented which would cause stone removal plus all manner of debris and dust both drop and trodden through no doubt so both at the same time seems optimum for living with that kind of mess only once. Talked to builders about work and their availability they are going to see what how when and get back to me with serious dates and quote. A huge amount to do to make ready for the work both in actual boxing up but also with me, the forty days certainly are a good focus away from the ‘delights’ of builders. At least a months break now so a very quiet day tomorrow and then a plod forward on many levels.

Paper and thread mixed in with house-paint and cleaning cloths with added external ‘appointments should be enough to ‘entertain’ me.

A poem by Elizabeth Jennings called Delay was the poem that found me today.

Day 225 August

clear moments are always short darkness conversely elongated shortens life

an island of firm ground made real not by shore line but vast ocean beyond

 

Caught up in bathroom ruminations with builders has had it’s moments of hilarity especially when my decision regarding tiling was realised by one of the two builders. Coloured tiles yes just about ok but the frame/border tiles stopped him completely in his tracks. Oh are you going to paint your bathroom terracotta then was his question from behind me when I turned I burst out laughing as I realised he was holding the ‘greeny-blue’, as he called them, with a real look of shock on his face. When I told him that no the walls would be painted with the ‘red’ paint he was unable to even begin to take in it was not a joke. As the tiles began to go up he was not really involved but by the end of the day he came up to me and informed me ‘it looks good doesn’t it’. He obviously found that fact really quite confusing but I made him laugh when I told him I just couldn’t change the paint colour as it was called Lust.

Found myself picking up the anthology of poetry ’Staying Alive’, published by Bloodaxe Books, as I often do but realised this would be part of my 40 days project. As Anne Michaels says on the back cover “…There are poems that hunt you down with the solace of their recognition” Each day I am going to open this book and discover the poem that has hunted me down that day and will consider what I find in it with notes in words and colour.

Day 224 August

waiting for what is inevitable makes it no easier less degrading or humiliating

waiting does give me a moment to glimpse beyond hopelessness to wishing

waiting on wishes stirs opening in brain and heart even as body screams fuck off

waiting sends me through the mess to find wish holding it’s hand out for mine

 

 

Profoundly exhausted by change in medication side effects, lay prone on bed or settee for most of the day just small matter of bathroom ‘demolition’ and remodelling to keep tabs on when I really felt overwhelmed before the banging sawing and drilling began. Laughed to hear small wind up radio in bathroom be retuned even more so when I mentioned the fact and the person who had done the deed was just amazed that there was a radio station that had NO music on it and was full of people just talking. Think I may retune radio to BBC Radio 3 for tomorrow morning and see how long it takes him to realise there will be no Hip-Hop or Pop bouncing out from that station.

Watched beautiful programme about John Lautner’s architecture called Infinite Space… iplayer blurb –

'The purpose of architecture,' said John Lautner, 'is to create timeless, free, joyous spaces for all activities in life.'
Documentary feature film, tracing the lifelong quest of visionary genius John Lautner to create 'architecture that has no beginning and no end.' It is the story of a complicated life - and the most sensual architecture of the 20th century.
As a young man Lautner broke from his mentor, Frank Lloyd Wright, and went west to California to forge his own unique style. His life was marked by innovation and inspiration, endless battles with building codes, an accidental leap into the epicenter of pop culture, bitterness at lost opportunities and, finally, monumental achievement. Lautner was idolized by young modernists, criticised by academics and beloved by the clients who worked side by side with him to build their houses. It was a life in pursuit of beauty.
Renowned architectural filmmaker Murray Grigor explores Lautner's dramatic spaces with choreographed camera moves, as Lautner himself provides the commentary, speaking with insight and wit in recordings culled from archival sources. Other voices join him - comment from Frank Gehry and his peers who were influenced by Lautner, the emotional memories of original clients, owners and builders, the remarks of Frank Escher -the architect who restored the Chemosphere house- and Julius Shulman, who famously photographed all the great modernists.
Original drawings and historical photographs from the John Lautner Archives at the Getty Museum are layered with the artistic photography of seminal buildings, bringing to life Lautner's quest to create timeless space.

Day 223 August

knowing movement would shriek through the bones I shrunk to whimper and rose

pain killer’s builders sunshine day stretched contorted created by ratchets of mind 

Read this today and think it is something to think about over the 40 days, or more -

‘Why hold onto just one life’

 

Why hold on to just one life

Till it is filthy and threadbare?

The sun dies eternally

And wastes a thousand lives each instant

God has decreed a life for you

And He will give another,

Then another and another.

 

RUMI

 

Suspect some would interpret this poem to be about a death but my first response was it’s all about life in the here and now not in some mythical hereafter, about the possibility I have written through the very centre of me just the small matter that I need to dust some mighty cobwebs out of the way to be able to really see it

Day 222 August

watching as idea becomes solid still wondering about the decision liking the look

working out how the transfer can be performed without creating even more chaos

listening to solutions that make sense only to those trying to get out of any work

finding a moment of laughter as professional engages and we both get the joke

 

Bike shed arrived at appointed time, put together quickly and expertly by two amusing constantly bantering guys who seemed impressed with my idea of the addition of lockable wheels so I will be able to move it easily even when full of bike and camping stuff. Just small matter of removing BOD now. The space is beginning to take shape in my mind as something other than ‘just’ a space.

Worked on the idea of the 40 days, certainly will begin on the 12^th but not quite sure what except for needing and wanting to have the days marked as summer processing towards autumn embracing winter with the productiveness growth and life born of light of these days.

Picked yet more runner beans, they are so sweet a real delight.

Arrived for appointment on the dot of the hour much to the amusement of the person I was seeing as they had decided I was going to be late and had come to the lift to see where I might be as I stepped out smiled and raised my hand in salute and to show my watch that still gave me 30 seconds.

Day 221 August

walking amid showers encounter rain continue in to green glistening life progress

purchase supplies for days ahead calculate each item as possibility as well as cost

 

Managed to locate supplier of piece of equipment for the garden upkeep locally, not up to driving there today but hope in a day or two to go and try it for weight and size etc. Very helpful person on the phone gave me lots of information and we honed the list of machines down to one really that I will have any chance of managing. I can physically try out a machine before I buy and he has offered it at a very good price when I explained my budget has severe limit. They sell to large horticultural businesses so are happy to try and help individuals as much as they can. Once again by being honest about my finances and my ‘limitations’ a stranger offers help in the way he can.

Began to plan out the ‘path’ to 21^st September. Want to use the time to  embrace the days of summer and prepare for the days of autumn and onto New Year and winter. If I start from Thursday, 12th August I have 40 days ‘till the 21st September, good number 40, 40 days walking towards balance:0)  Ideas are permeating, note book is filling.

Day 220 August

encircle embrace encourage enrich friendship forms a world with no boundaries

building slowly gives room to breath stop consider change direction discover signs

enjoying process placing pen on paper watching ink dry considering connections

glimpsing the shape of future days finding rest stillness breath is taking me there

 

Needed to do two large loads of washing, thankfully weather was supportive with a warm though grey day drying bedding and clothing. RnB had major grooming session as we watched the clothes dry from back step; Rhys is such a hairy shedding beast but loves being brushed and the birds delight in the escape clumps of fine blond hair.

Sat in the attic for quite a long time looking at the available space and what I want to put in to it. Table and bookshelf at top of stairs I think, as this would mean anyone sleeping in the single bed have a desk to use and will utilise the space more effectively for me. Test dollops of colour have dried well and the three colours will interchange well. Certainly change the feel completely up there which is what I needed, great on sunshine or grey cloudy days lifting without glaring or smacking between the eyes. Terracotta seems calming, Signal Red invigorating and Lemon Fizz doesn’t but certainly smiles together they will add interest and expand the space in some ways but also echo the intimacy and nearness to nature. Began the sanding and filling needed.

Day 219 August

more aware of the pace I need for my life today I glimpsed the child as I snipped

the brightness of undiluted hope imagination vitality within she is still here I smile

 

Worked on the holly tree, shaping and pruning, letting light on to the yard and making it possible to see bird tables more easily from the kitchen. Spent about three hours in all and produced a hug pile of clippings, used tarp to catch and collect the pile which worked well made moving the pile much more easy than in wheelbarrow as it limited me.

Carried the paint brushes etc up to the attic to start on the walls up there tomorrow, The new wall has dried out completely and looks as if there has been no ingress of rain so painting can go ahead. Once the area is decorated I can set up old kitchen table with shelf unit plus other shelves and printing / cutting table then set up single bed in smaller area near the staircase. Weeks of work but good to start.

Biblio paper is lovely to write on, smooth without being slippery. No bleed through, caking or smudge, fountain pen ink dries quickly and evenly. Want to see what happens with paint and archival ink brush pens next.

Day 218 August

sitting quietly waiting pen traces mood, thought, feeling externally internal

listening closely taking in mood thought feeling bones trace journey to come

walking away carrying bottles boxes breath carefully plodding paddling plunging

auspicious moments arrive without fanfare expectation takes note in open hand

 

‘Found’ a wooden book shelf unit a little wider than old small kitchen table I’ve used in the past to write at. The unit is really designed to be attached to a wall but as wall space is limited here I am going to attach it to the table creating a clear / clean place and space for pen and paper activity and materials in the attic.

Someone else’s rubbish is certainly treasure in this household.

Herefordshire art week guide arrived today spent time browsing pinned it up on board just in case I’m up for a trip to border country in September.

Watched The Sondheim Prom, Judie Dench just walked on and owned the whole place, fabulous performance. Listened to Stephen Sondheim and David Charles Abell the conductor of this prom talk about the process of creating the concert with Petroc Trelawny.

Day 217 August

watching clouds open up a sky all the while surrounding shaping shifting light

brain cells persuade to yes connecting tissue screams no in between caught me

 

Considering a piece of machinery walked away knowing I needed to think I could understanding I couldn’t accepting the pain and loss not trying to change it just being there as witness and moving on. If I stand still, move in a certain way I can still even fool myself that things have not changed but fooling is not being a fool it’s a momentary surviving but living needs set in reality and only becomes positive possible and powerful when I stand truthfully where in whatever state I may be. Machinery stayed where it was but lightweight face guard came home with me and will be employed in the around rather over or under movement in days to come.

Found enough tiles to make up the numbers needed for the change from bath to shower room I’ve already collected in reduced ‘bin’ after I dived into a store as emergency toilet need was evident. Hurtled through the quiet store finding clean and well set up facilities thankfully. Only when I came out clean and sweet did I realise it was a place that sold tiles synchronicity found through faulty personal plumbing.

Pulling together a book pile to work through in the lead up to Autumn Equinox. Not sure what the ‘theme’ will be but do feel I need the focus and set aside reading-note taking-thinking time each day linked with something of pen and paper beyond notes.

Day 216 August

realising how much more is needed to bring harmony to cottage garden me

small steps plodding are enough centred on the moment rescued from the when

choices continue to be made understanding glimpsed for now tomorrow is a myth

blackbird with fledgling knows all this as it shares the blueberries with delight.

 

Sorting through pile of scribbled notes on scraps of paper came across this, just wish I’d remembered to write down where it comes from

“Life is happier when we do not hope. Hoping for things is like hanging clean washing on a rickety clothes line in a muddy field during a really terrible storm – it’s nerve –wracking and tends to disappoint. Hope makes us cling to outcomes and make us rigid in approach. It is probably enough to tend today’s wounds and sing today’s joys. Tomorrow is better that way. And surprisingly hopeful”

Needed to rest seriously after yesterdays driving etc.

Total body toothache at best hard to concentrate on anything but continued with ‘origami’ type constructions.

Listened to the world service through the day via computer love the eclectic mix of programming on this station from talk to music there is usually a different slant of familiar subjects and always voices I wouldn’t regularly hear elsewhere on the BBC.

Day 215 August

 

pursue ‘lost’ goods find dead ends subterfuge broken only by staring down lies

time energy pain paid given mountain view alight with power I drink it in smile

 

Ah the wheels of commerce prove yet again they are often greased with less than clean oil. However, tis always interesting to watch when a tin of ball bearings are spilled how quickly the mess covers that which was seeking to plough straight on over come what may. I may not be able to run down the wing anymore but put me in the scrum and I’ll pull another’s shorts down and whilst they desperately try to cover up their modesty just begin to laugh at the absurd spectacle they present; then find a small mirror I have in a secret pocket and hold it up and force them to look in it. We all make mistakes, but to compound that with down right lies doesn’t wear well with me and one large company certainly understands that after today I suspect and will be so looking forward to our conversation at 9am tomorrow.

Face to face commercial interchanges went well, more materials for building work sourced, purchased picked up. Plans drawn roughly handed back to me with a smile as fully realised scaled drawing; nothing requested overlooked, delivered as we agreed, enjoyed by both parties and another step towards another idea made concrete giving both a sense of progress but more of worth. Finding people in the local community who I can work with may mean travelling when body doesn’t need it but for realising a plan, finding sense that a community is supported by work or goods requested may mean a slightly larger invoice but it really does go to support human beings who I pass in local streets not some conglomerate hundreds or even thousands of miles away whose bank balance is more than healthy. Fair Trade locally and globally, trying to make my consuming something that impacts positively on lives that can often get missed by corporations but can be supported by my pennies.

Day 214 August

chasing up materials for the start of more work in the cottage starting this week

request for confirmation in writing stonewalled until I quietly said ok I don’t pay

still finding it shocking surveying the muddle mess midden of cottage exciting too

I know something new is opening slowly to thought touch silence singing quietly

 

A little sun meant time in garden at least to hang out huge load of wash and eat my breakfast making notes for the day. Whimsical thoughts about sheds being modified using chainsaw made me really consider the state of the buildings in the garden and which sheds will stay in their places , which ones will really be modified and which ones will be taken apart completely and removed. With the progress or not in the garden the sheds have certainly become part of the redesigning.

Did some more research about letter-envelope, origami has some really interesting methods some of which I could see adapting for needle and stitch as well as the straightforward paper models.

Listened to BBC Radio 4’s Word of Mouth via iplayer, interesting programme “Chris Ledgard investigates the world of the inner monologue to find out how we talk to ourselves. Are the words we use internally the same as when we speak. Contributors include the author Tim Parks, whose books - such as Europa - often read like an internal discussion. His latest book recounts his efforts to overcome a debilitating illness, which he discovered was caused by too many words.”

 

Day 213 August

finding feet still attached to legs a new trick to learn and execute without falling

discovering kitchen floor table magic made with slow plod mixed with much rest

 

 

Finally set up rebounder with grab/balance bar in corner of bedroom so I bounce looking out on to the trees began the long haul with just five minutes. Legs were obviously complaining but was great for the back and neck felt the release. The balance bar is good for stopping me falling off. Know it was the right decision to purchase and attach bar though can still wish it were not so.

Listened to last nights Sondheim Prom, brilliant, will sometime this week hope to watch it on iplayer as I think it was televised and I’d like to see Dame Judi Dench’s performance.

Making letter envelopes, or at least practicing with sheets of paper - letters transforming into envelopes within envelopes out of envelopes…Russian doll like.

Day 173 June

some battled tree roots I wrestled infected legs tablets cleansing dressings pain

watched woodpecker for a long time it unaffected by my presence I deeply so

struggling to connect information and energy with balance but knowing is a step

watching a consummate skill in action grateful it’s exercised to help work here

 

A very long day of negotiations and further negotiations, tirades and tantrums from THE neighbour so much so she almost caused herself and another serious injury by her silly and dangerous behaviour. There were absolute surreal moments which were difficult not to laugh at but sad lives are sad lives even if they are a pain in the arse so continued to explain gently the danger and folly and circumvent the deliberate hindrance with a smile and a thank you as work continued much to her confusion. It slowed progress down very definitely but first thing tomorrow morning final digging with machine will happen then base can begin to be made. So glad this work is the last that will be so obvious to her just wondering how will I manage the rest that needs attending to but as there is no one else the answer is it has to be me.

Day 172 June

solstice is marked with stone and soil paired to create chance magnificence in skill

responding to environmental boundaries imagination flies giving possibility hope

Helped find the dressed stone to make the new steps very swish but almost immediately looking as if they have been in place for many, many years. Nothing being used was farther from the site than area around cottage, all materials were rescued recycled renewed in their involvement in the building of the steps.We totted up how much the materials used might have cost to buy and could not get below £300 no matter what way we looked at it. I am thankful again for living in a forgotten place where imagination can operate.

 

 

Day 171 June

driving along sun dappled roads trying to connect silent passenger with beauty

thoughts of ice cream people watching motor bikes raises a head elicits a nod

sat midst all manner of bikes leather garbed riders ice cream devoured with relish

driving home he notices the trees hills sheep wears his new biker shades smiling

 

I made no card, bought no present but decided he would go out for a few hours. Went over in late morning to find he was only just agreeing to get up and refusing to open his eyes etc.  Sat with him for a while managed to get him to open his eyes and say hello, though he announced ‘oh it’s you’ with rather more sneer than smile. Informed him I would be back to pick him up after his Sunday lunch as we were going out without giving him time to begin the list of why this could not happen. Of course it was difficult; of course I didn’t have to do it but knew he needed to have a chance to look up somehow so pressed on. He will almost certainly not really remember much if anything of the day but he’ll have his new sunglasses and may be he’ll ask about them and can be told about his adventure midst the Harley’s, Kawasaki’s and ice cream.

Day 170 June

the fragrance of early morning gloriously wrapped in honeysuckle and roses lives

I cradle it gently knowing how precious this moment is for a gentle day ahead

 

No climbing ladders or painting twenty plus feet above the ground I had a very quiet day discovering poems and poets enjoying the rhythm of their thoughts in words spread as waves on the page which I first paddled in then swam in to deep water finding myself catching my breath but enjoying the sense of being alive. A line of a Seamus Heaney poem popped in to my brain which I think was about the writing process, the search for words to form the rhythm of what is seen and felt but this line seems too good to lose again so it will be my reminder for the coming months leading up to Winter Solstice “And catch the heart off guard and blow it open.”

Day 169 June

sometimes biting a bullet is the softest experience for mind and heart if not flesh

standing in the shower trying to find something that didn’t hurt made me laugh

in laughter came intent lots of foolishness but most belief I had to go on just do it

pain nudged out of the way by colour  life is a dream expressed even as it hurts

 

The wall and I got up close and intimate, anyone passing must have wondered about the dirty bare feet poking out over the end of the scaffolding boards but lying down proved to be the only way I could manage to plod along at times.

Interesting to find I’d been watched closely by THE neighbour who informed she had watched me last night too. I thought she was going to give me her usual tirade but there was a pause and then she smiled telling me she was amazed to see me go right up to the top by the chimney and get a felt tip out of my pocket and begin to ‘just’ draw. Then you carried paint up there – oh boy do I know I did that, and even though you crawled some of the way you kept going. When I came out this morning it was like you had been there all night but I checked at 10 pm and didn’t see you…I didn’t tell her there was a moment when I’d considered having to lay down and sleep up there it was a very, very long journey back to the ground. She then said a most amazing thing, ‘you look like you are in a lot of pain and are very tired but I knew you’d do whatever you were starting last night as it looked like it was something you had to do.’  The jutting chin and fixed expression must have given the game away.

Scaffolders arrive early tomorrow to take it all down. The builders popped by this afternoon to confirm their start on Monday with digger and sledge hammer could not quite believe I had not only climbed the scaffolding but had done all the painting with a 2inch brush or smaller. Think I managed to get some street cred!

Day 168 June

a doctor with more ticks than a room full of clocks is emergency response to legs

pain killers antibiotics lots of water gritted teeth  climb ladders move very slowly

 

Could not let the opportunity of having the scaffolding erected go to waste knowing it is all going to be taken down by weekend. Set goals for the evening and tomorrow, know copious amounts of bloody mindedness will be needed on top of chemicals. Not really sure what is going to appear, made a few doodles in waiting room and realised some sort of tree has kept appearing plus the sun. Decided to just start with a black sharpie and draw directly on to wall, stay free and open just play and enjoy. Large sun balloons and tree emerged know also that some big flowers will also be added  but concentrated on everything that is way above my step ladder or ladder platform took small steps and high steps up on to scaffolding so I could climb from one platform to another without trying to swing up as per builders. Did hurt but felt elated above all the pain to actually be standing level with the chimney doodling with a black sharpie.

Decanted paint in to small lightweight paint kettles, put water, cloths and brushes in to canvas shoulder bag, small plastic step to act as stool, all carried up the ladders and on to the platforms. Prep and carrying probably took a couple of hours then I managed to paint two coats on the sun and three balloons. Lots of leaning sitting and lying in between action; glorious to be surrounded by bird song and be visited by one of the new fledgling woodpeckers.

Day 167 June

weather was kind allowing the colour coat to go on pine end amusing builders

interesting to hear the change from you aren’t serious to enjoying the colour

in a lot of pain today seems legs have managed to create another infection

another trip to a waiting room no doubt tomorrow but today I bathed in orange

 

Runner beans and strawberries are doing well, blueberries look as if I will enjoy more than a few breakfasts with their accompaniment, blackcurrants seem to be swelling well and gooseberries have not been hit by blight, yet., even a few more apples have appeared on the dwarf trees in pots. Watering regularly feeding picking off snails seems to be working:0)  Some containers to still sort out but gradually the yard is taking off and becomes more precious each time I find a berry or new leaf.

Began to doodle a design for the pine end hope to try and at least outline it before the scaffolding gets taken down as will make the painting easier later but definitely need to have legs looked at tomorrow as they have not improved and I feel like shit really. Will hire a lightweight scaffolding tower if needs be so will not worry overly about the design being done and dusted in the next couple of days.

Day 166 June

another waiting room with forms questions, a generous practitioner who smiled

after treat of coriander coconut and carrot soup at quiet table in bookshop joy

 

Found the colour of paint for attic just need the energy to use it now. Finding continuous question decision intervention needed to keep builders on track as to what this eccentric woman wants very tiring but they are getting it, discovering they actually like some of the ideas and working hard so there is nothing to complain about just the relentless pace going on around me is quite confusing for me. However, youngest of the two now sends me emails so, as he put it, you can have what we agree in front of you and read it as many times as you want to be able to remember and then grinned kindly. He really has realised it wasn’t a joke when I said I had a memory difficulty. He has also been very careful to run through the proposed schedule for the day each morning they arrive, which has really been a help. The next ten working days will be very difficult but hopefully by then three major parts of the work will be complete.

I’m taking July and part of August as rest time also time to prepare for the last major incursion in to this normally quiet place when two windows will be taken out, lintels and possibly sills replaced and stone work made good plus fireplace lintel in kitchen raised. Then consideration of flooring will need to happen, ah more choices and decisions

Day 165 June

sense of the enormity of what I’ve taken on creeps up and shouts boo

I neither jump nor laugh but smile inwardly in knowledge of truth expanded

still trying to decide if I am walking towards a mirage or something solidly real

realising this doesn’t matter one way or the other but walking towards does

 

Needed to drive to Swansea to go to specialist outlet for materials the builders will need to complete the first stage of the work in the way I wish. Interesting problem caused by withdrawal of particular material I wanted but managed to circumvent this by a bit of lateral thinking, just hope it works.

Looked at paint samples for decorating the new attic wall, need to look at them at different times through a day to consider the effect on the light space and ambiance there