Given the title of the last post and the fact that this one is a week later you may understand when I say the next step found me floored and making very few steps since last Saturday.
I didn't actually fall off a step or the like 'just' fell from this small daily life. It wasn't something that hasn't happened before and will almost certainly happen again but for many reasons it was a fierce blow that has taken me this last few days to even begin to acknowledge as a bit of a bugger and rather too much for one ever expectant and always enquiring child/adult to go through once again.
When a body is rarely in ones control or at least rarely lets me have at any rate the sense that I have some control, the need to live in the moment is not only a wish but an absolute necessity. To continue in to each day with the sense that moment by moment a day will bring joy, light, laughter and understanding that all life is precious.
It takes concentration, commitment, and care if this isn’t to become something to beat myself up with. The moment is the gift; it is the joy, the light, the laughter and the understanding that life is precious. It is also a time span that offers no need to strive or arrive because both would be lost as another moment begins with each breath.
That a moment can seemingly stretch in to a week is my human and bodily frailty speaking and it is my truth at this moment.
However, midst the mayhem that a ‘recalcitrant’ body can create there has been joy, light and laughter. Even the understanding that all life is precious has not been lost completely though it has been a link of gossamer lightness for very long moments.
The joy has been the company of a purring cat through my long bed stays and the constant companionship of dogs through every day. The light has actually been the light! Spring has finally arrived in the valley and being awake at 4am each morning this past week has found me surrounded and lifted by the light born on the songs of the many wild birds who greet each glimmer of the new day with such magic it brings laughter of delight without any exertion or forethought on my part.
As to understanding that all life is precious that has been hard to find meaning and understanding of because if I believe all life is precious that needs to include me which has at best felt rather silly but the gossamer thread held and I found a new understanding that my life is not precious in and of itself it is that this life is precious by being connected to all life not just other human beings but from mountain to microbe I am connected and that this makes me part of some unimaginable thread that moves through all life here on Earth and I suspect on in to the Cosmos.
None of that can I prove but once again a moment was given when I ‘knew’ this to be so and that is enough to be going on with.
When I say ‘knew’ I have no knowledge, proof or theory to expound I just have a moment when every fibre, cell, molecule in me found that gossamer thread as a part of rather than apart from me so I continue on to another moment.