Stepping Stones

Thanks 7

Failing is such a good way of learning that I do find much to give thanks for when I once again fall flat on my face in some endeavour or another. Yes the bruises scrapes and cuts are there too but majorly there is the sense that I am finding my way by forgetting that it has much to do with being my way but a way that each life treads connected to each life.

I know that there is a strong push for individualism, expression of self, empowerment of thought word and deed in this 21st century but I feel a pull that is stronger than this, one which pulls me towards community, co-operation, discovery through sharing, understanding by listening not shouting but that this can not be done in silence, seclusion or solitude,without communication with a reality greater than anything my imagination could conjure up or discover in fact. 

This is not to say that I do not feel there is a great need in fact such an essential need as to be life threatening when lost, for silence, seclusion and solitude rather, for myself, I have discovered the time of silence, of contemplation and thought, of watching and listening to the morning begin is the foundation for each day to be built upon and each moment engaged with. That time spent quietly each morning is means not only to fully awaken my self but to fully engage with the rest of the day. That time spent quietly each morning is not penance, or devotion but purely selfishness as I wish for the positive, the productive and the peaceful to be as much part of by day to day living as possible.

Over these past few weeks in particular I have been grappling with the make up of my days and my part in them and discovering that this period of change in the household by way of sift sort and throw has also been accompanied by sense that sift sort and throw has been going on within, sometimes referred to as transformation as a kind of end game whereas it is a continual and continuous process which I am not always aware of until faced with new truth or discovery which holds my self up to the light and I blink in the glare.

THANKS 6

Thanks 5

So, it has taken me weeks to feel I could really scan things into computer and then post to Typepad. Even writing the sequence down which I did took a number of tries before I had each step down in a clear enough message to myself to enable the process to actually happen.

This way of working covers every part of my life and without some of the lists that I write and rewrite and then write again much would grind to an unceremonious halt. Even with this system in place and as much part of my days as breathing there are times when the list appears to be written by an alien and little sense can be made of it by this brain so the process of writing to myself the small and large things that need to be approached through a day is repeated for in the stopping and grappling with what the day needs to include I didcover not only means to go through the day with a sense of progress but I discover just how much does not need to be included and that is something to be really thankful about.

In my workbook that is designated DAY BOOK is a list and a record combined. It backs up a diary and numerous calenders sprinkled through the cottage and is one of the first things I reach for in the morning and last thing at night.

It covers appontments, visits, day to day chores, notes on ideas for creative projects, personal care activities and a small sketch of an object that has made me smile or helped me that day.

That a visit might find itself into another workbook and that the ideas noted will be expanded into workbooks and finished pieces builds up a personal library of what has happened and what I have been doing which are not always readily available through memory.

THANKS 4

I can never resist looking in and oft times climbing in to spaces and places that a large woman with a stick and lack of balance maybe shouldn't venture but then I would miss out out on so much and wouldn't discover elements of this journey that I'm on which are needed to complete the next part of the jigsaw.

The sketchbook and camera have been in use this week again sometimes consciously working towards but more often just reaching out and discovering what I might touch.

Seized a moment of clear sky and bright light yesterday to climb a little higher than has been possible or sensible in the low cloud and insistent rain of late. I needed to find reason for thanks midst muddle and other daily life and knew that the hills always give me that especially when the air is zinging and the clarity  envelops not only the far horizon but sometimes enters heart and brain of a tired woman.

On this occasion I was drawn towards a man made 'intrusion' on the landscape. Large storm culvert which enables the river to be free but the road to stay passable.

I was caught by the way the light was playing on the concrete and so headed slowly up towards the pipe sploshing through the stream emanating from the pipe. Being careful to test each rock out carefully as many were very green and slippery.  I had to keep stopping both to keep my balance and because the water is so incredibly clear that the light danced not only on the surface but right through onto the sediment below and I was enchanted by this beauty.

However the goal was the pipe.

I love the way nature colonises man's best efforts and changes and embracesit in such a way as to make whatever is placed in its midst a reflection of the Earths wonder not man's might, if you have the eyes to see it of course.

Of course when I managed to clamber right up to the pipe I could not resist going in ...

I got a little excited at this moment and wanted to try and do a sketch or rubbing or both. Actually I did neither as I wasn't quite concentrating on my foot work at this moment and realised that the roundness of the pipe, the angle at which I was standing and the element of water was maybe not such a good place to get sketch book out, put camera away etc. decided another photo would have to do this time but at that moment....

yep, I slipped. Thankfully I slid down the side of the pipe into an elegant formation of wet bottom and dry camera.  Ok I know the photographers of this world will not like this photo but  for me it represents the surprise, magic and movement I felt and saw as I grappled with space, water and my body in a drainage culvert on a sunny mountain and is another element to thanks.

(scanner is on the way to being sorted, partly me partly technology that caused the hiccouph, so next week I will try to scan some pages in here.)

THANKS 3

I am always surprised by other people who do not immediately want to touch a tree like this one, that they can walk past this wonder without a blink is a puzzle but it does not stop me from gazing, touching and smiling broadly each time I pass it.

There is such a story in this tree’s shape and texture that I never cease to be captivated by it. To create something that echoes the vibrancy, the intent, the wholeness of this tree is impetus for many a small sketch, snap and sigh but always means to brighten a day, this heart and the moment.

There may never come a ‘piece of work’ from my hands that will do justice to the feelings and understanding I find when I stand near this tree but that is the gift it gives me. The knowledge that I may reach towards but rarely grasp and if I do manage to touch or even hold for a moment a sense of completion, like so many particles of sand gripped tightly it will imperceptively trickle away and I be left with empty clenched hands.

This tree not only impels me to keep scribbling, to keep exploring, to keep plodding towards but it reminds me often that clenched hands have little use when it comes to receiving.

THANKS 2

Two more images that have been added to the sketchbook/journal that is working around this idea.  I had hoped to scan in a few pages of the sketch book but  after a major power cut last night it seems my elderly scanner was shocked beyond working. It is probably something I have or have not done that is stopping it capturing the pages, maybe by next week I will have managed to remember what it is I should or should not be doing.  I did try taking a photo but my eyes are a bit blurry at present and artificial light doesn't help.

When this idea first started to bubble up I thought it might become a long list of things, people places I give thanks for but all I know now is it is definitely about that but that is about finding images that reflect the word in way that does not give me word but more images which  will become a sketchbook / journal and  some pieces of creative work utilising materials I already have dotted about the cottage and garden.

This is another form of 'meditation' for me and though a creative piece of work comes out of this it is the process, the opening up , the becoming aware that 'Thanks' will and is all about. It struck me this morning that this is the gift I am most thankful for, that I can flail about, go up blind allies and into culdesacs but the whole while be given means to keep my focus and discover another small step towards not away.

THANKS 1

I began something today which feels as if it is about thanks but is not in any way completed or even coherent, much like me someof the time then. As I walked this morning I kept being drawn towards certain forms of nature and found myself taking a number of photographs and taking some rubbings and making  sketches.

This is the first series of  photos I took  and close ups I cropped -

 

             

  This is part of what will become a work book that looks as if it will become a piece of work expressing something of what THANKS means to me at this time the shape and form of the work is far from clear but the process is where I discover

Sometimes work books stay just as that. Other times they set me off into a another and another work book that is just a collection of thoughts, feelings, words caught on paper which help me discover and be aware of a deep sense of thanks that I find myself trying to express through my daily living.

Thanks is such an easy response when a day is guilded in gold but it is the ordinary, mundane, stressful, painful, confusing days when I find thanks is so more elemental in enabling me to find meaning in my being and am often given the most startling understanding of what I am thankful for and which to express thanks about. Yes the obvious things like the suns rise and  a birds song are given thanks for but it is the living and being of thanks that I continue to grapple with, to explore and get lost in trying to find that seems to be huge impetus and inspiration to my daily life .

It is the constant need to have pencil and paper about me, the small plastic bag that's always stuffed in pocket to hold collections, it's the taking of photographs that remind of a texture, a shade of light, a form, it's the scribbled words that I sometimes leave as gifts for places I sit or shelter when out walking, it's the notes I leave in library books with small diagram, drawing, poem or word, it's the cafe reciept I hand back on paying that has feeling, expression of the moment I have enjoyed in the place placed in the space around the bill.

All these and many more are my way of expressing and remembering I am in a world full of thanks, composed of thanks and encouraging me to continue creating as vast a thanks as I may.

As I bag up the rubbish I have been known to attach a little note for the 'ash-men' just to say thanks and I am now greeted by them with a smile and a wave whenever I see them be that in the lane or around the village near by. In fact  after Christmas there was a knock on the door and there stood two very wet and dirty men grinning widely wanting to 'just wish you happy New Year' and to say 'thanks for noticing us' . This encounter made me think about thanks and I think it says a great deal about the way the Earth smiles at me so much. Maybe it is because I continue to try and notice it and amazingly I feel it notices me too.