ASYNCHRONOUS PROCESS

Glorious Failure

I am aware that my posting on this blog, on any blog that has my name attached to it, has to say the least been sporadic over the last year; as in no rhyme nor reason no routine, no posts.

This has been something of a reflection of the life beyond the screen or you might think that should read the lack of life beyond the screen but that would not be the truth.

There has been lots of life beyond the screen often too much life :0) but much to keep me occupied and overwhelmed on regular basis but still life aplenty and life welcomed in all its various hues if not embraced without a bit of a struggle and oft times glorious failure.

The failures have left me smiling in the main after the bucket of tears of course not because I am some sort of masochist but simply because failure is never the end it is just another beginning spelt differently, especially if it’s me doing the spelling :0)

Gifts at New Year

Someone gave me gift this past week which they have no idea they gave me. It was during one of those delight filled times, conversation and consideration with a friend.

It was a moment to savour and treasure in the moment and hold as dear after the moment. To realise gradually what bounty had been handed over and what a wonder to find in my hands from the apparently simple…hearing another’s affirmation of my being.

This was not presented to me with a flourish or fanfare there was no note of explanation or card of goodwill. It was offered in laughter wrapped up in thought decorated with shining eyes and imbued with the love of a friend.

I was not required to be on my best behaviour or engage in polite general small talk listen to diagnosis, prognosis or best cure course of action or inaction. I was ‘just’ encouraged to be in the moment as I was and to feel complete acceptance. No tricks or techniques just one fallible fragile human being spending a moment with another and recognising my humanity as I recognised hers.

A Safety Net

Often it seems that to do something without the 'aid' of a safety net is applauded and lauded because of the danger, the risk, the challenge but I have been thinking recently how much more challenging and dangerous it is to plan, approach and carry out task, activity, daily life with a safety net firmly in place; obvious to heart eye and feet if one should be tight rope walking at the time:0)

The challenge is to not relax into some sort of satisfied stupor, to amble through each day with less than open heart or mind, to see and hear only that which is designated within the safety net operational stress load. To not forget the 'what if' scenario and question for that needs to be on the tip of the tongue at the edges of the mind and part of the energy that pumps the blood round the heart if discovery and delight are to be found in a life.

Setting up a daily rhythm, a pattern, a routine to my days is my safety net. It is means for me to feel free, to go beyond the where or what I might often feel is within my capability and step out into the void shielded and protected by the rhythm, pattern and routine but never contained or constricted by operational stress loading notices.

In the blink of an eye

Community, Communication, Connection,

... these seem to be the words that guided my Equinox thoughts.

I decided I would take three days to mark the moment, well time moves so slowly in this household that I thought my 72hrs might come a little closer to 24hrs in real time:0)

It was actually even slower but meant I certainly considered the balance and equality of light that this time seems to represent, to me at least. Trying to bring sense of nurture and cherishing plus balance in to my own life is such an unending quest that I feel so often to be caught up in a Homer saga, just with no rippling muscles or shiny breast plate, where is a woman in a toga when you need one :0)

Thoughts also about days to come and maybe what if any community I might live within.

Small Joys (1)

1. Being woken by a very wet cat, tapping her muddy paw on my cheek and swishing her dripping tail across my bare shoulder, at 3am so I might reach for her towel to dry her off that she may possibly settle down on her blanket on the side of the bed, purring contentedly to be home.
2. Having an electric kettle, china mug, spoon, grater, sharp knife, a lemon, ginger root, honey, wee teapot and strainer all arranged and ready for use by the side of the armchair in my bedroom.
3. Lying in bed looking out through the window and watching the progress of a blue tit along the branches of the tree until it is directly in front of the window, which it then launches itself towards to somehow gain foot hold on the frame enabling it to tap meaningfully on the glass. Nothing like being reminded it’s someone else’s breakfast time.
4. Opening the door in to the garden and being greeted by the sight of the fuchsia bush weighed down by the many, many birds waiting for me to lay their tables.
5. A friend taking the time and thought to send me a postcard each time they visit somewhere, connecting me to them but also to places they know I’d find it difficult to visit myself these days.
6. Tube bandages, gloriously beautiful in their ugliness because they help me inform my legs and feet they ARE still going to walk.

eSky: Autumnal Equinox

Autumnal Equinox

The point, presently lying in the constellation Virgo, where the Ecliptic crosses the Celestial Equator. When the Sun passes this point, on about 23 September each year, nights begin to grow longer than days, and continue to do so until the Winter Solstice in December. (In the southern hemisphere, this situation is reversed). The Autumnal Equinox signals the end of the summer months and the beginning of winter. At this time of year, days have been shortening since the Summer Solstice some three months earlier, and the Equinox is the point where nights reach the same length as days. After this point, the Sun will shine lower and lower on the horizon until the Winter Solstice in about three months' time.

via www.glyphweb.com

Preparation for my own small celebration to mark the changing light and the gift of a day of balance are on the list of to-do's this day. Usually I mark the day on the 21st as it is easier for me to remember but this year I have decided to go with the stars so tomorrow is set aside for thought, thanks and treats:0) More of that later. For now here is a website that you might enjoy if you ever look up to the stars and wonder. 

Officially Autumnal Equinox is on the 22nd September 21:18 GMT 2009

(Trying the Blog It feature on typepad works well but can't seem to 'catch' the diagram so do click on the link above and go to the page if you have a minute)

Margaret Atwood, brand, product, event.

Last Friday morning I looked at the sky and listened to the weather forecast and made a decision. Picked up the phone and asked a question to at first be told no and then wait a moment I will just check that one more time… we are full but we’re sure we’ll squeeze one more in.

A few months ago I made a promise to myself that I would no longer purchase tickets to concerts, cinema, exhibitions etc., unless there was a very good prospect of me actually attending. Being on limited income means that booking a ticket well in advance usually saves me money as well as securing a seat but unfortunately the seat stays secured without my bum on it way too often. So instead I have added any prospective ticket purchase money to my ‘O.U.T.’ tin, (opening up and transforming tin), then if I am in a position to feel I might get to a performance, exhibition etc I take the money out. If I don’t find it possible then the money goes towards purchasing artists work be that paper, cloth, clay or any combination of materials and their transformational skills.

However some transformational skills can only really be experienced in the moment and such was Friday night.

Creativity and construction

In the moment when rain ceases and wind halts, the sun breaks through as peace and thanksgiving in the beat of a heart.

On a walk through the woods or through a small quietly lived day there are moments. Together they form a life, always exploring, often discovering, rarely satisfied; found realising.

As I endeavour to begin using this place for myself again I am aware there are those who look over my shoulder to read what I scribble or peer at the viewfinder as I try to take a snap that is in focus. I welcome you and hope that you’ll wave from time to time as we continue on our separate ways.

I have been thinking about the walk I take each time I sit down in front of a blank screen to create a post here and have concluded that it is as the rest of my life, a journey and here, as in the rest of my life, I find sense and purpose in asking questions whose answers change each time I ask them.

NO

Anyone who has tried to access this blog recently by just clicking on the link will have found their access barred by a password etc. I suspect if you had RSS feed then you will have continued to pop up on the page with nothing happening as I’m not clever enough to block that as well.

Why block by a password? Well lets just say I needed some space to deal with someone who was making an arse of themselves and being a pain in the arse to me. I had decided I wanted to do some shape shifting here anyway so thought to continue the silence a while but have decided I’ll tweak as I live, in sometimes chaos but always positive intent:0)

But, just for the record, for those who do read my ramblings in friendship please bear with me, and for ‘anyone’ reading this blog who I have politely but very firmly told to piss off very recently – and that is the very politest thing I could actually conjure up to address you with, let me say -

Still counting

Finding a rhythm for a daily life could require in some people’s eyes the small matter of discovering a life first. I however have come to the conclusion that a rhythm and a life are slowly discovered together…at least in this woman’s experience.

Revelation seems a rather overblown word but that is the word that best describes the small but seismic shifts that have been happening daily for the last many months. Each day has brought discovery, shock and the kind of eye-opening moments that leave a jaw slack and a mind buzzing. This has not been on a cataclysmic scale or at least not to others eyes but in this small life the realization has brought me much more than just slack jaw and buzzing mind it is gradually bringing me awareness and understanding of what rhythm and life mean to me for the days ahead, for this day, for this moment.

My home, both cottage and garden are vastly and very much a work in progress but midst the chaos there is a tranquil small space, somewhere I find peace pours in to the slack jawed buzzing minded women and it is a still small space that I create and tend beyond bin bags or cleaning. It is a space that brings recognition of completion even as I wade through a bathroom wrecked by a body out of control or I sit wrapped in a blanket at 4am watching the sky grow light and bird song also light up the morning; in either so called good or bad moments there comes revelation but it is only as I tend that tranquil small space that this consciousness becomes understanding that a daily rhythm and a life, for me, are one and the same thing.