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The L Word

So, why another long silence…. Maybe you’ll find out in this post but this is going to be one of my ‘real’ streams of consciousness I suspect, so, if you want to come along for the ride get a cup or glass of something you enjoy and sip slowly, breath gently and forget about meaning or sense and maybe we both may feel what I’m saying:0)

There is an old phrase ‘words come cheap’ and I understand it to be about actions promised with half a heart, very little engagement of brain and even less of intent.

I have difficulties with words, both those offered to me by others and those I try to find for myself.

Morning Moments 1,2,3

The three small clips held in the posts below were taken earlier this morning, just as the light was really making itself known in the valley, around 6am.

The camera work leaves something to be desired, the operator hasn’t a clue what she is doing:0). But the welcome to the light is fractionally caught and that seems rather fine to me.

It is such moments that reinforce the sense of delight and wonder I discover each new day, the utterly unbelievable gifts right there at my back door given freely and consistently. How fortunate I am has no need to be mentioned or underlined but here each morning I get an underlining full of joy and life and dare I say it love.

The birds chorus is one that rips through the valley like a star careering to Earth transformed into energy and encountered by a heart.

I live in a crowded busy valley in Wales but on a morning such as this I know I live on a bounteous, beautiful and breathtakingly generous place called Earth and I am not ashamed to say I give thanks each morning for life offered so freely and accepted too often with only a passing nod.

The mornings give me a moment to say thank you but more than that they give me a moment to remind my self that moments are precious and are all I may stand in. That anything I ‘achieve’ in a day is but a moment and will pass as quickly as it came but Earth Stars and Sun give signs and wonders beyond knowing or understanding but an open heart and mind may receive them standing on a small piece of the Earth on an Early Sunday morning.

Moment 1 – 6am looking from kitchen door up the valley
Moment 2 – 6.05am looking from kitchen door down valley
Moment 3 – 6.15am looking around part of the garden from wee summer house verandah
Do have your speakers turned on or you'll miss the stars of the show:0)

Morning Moment 3

Morning Moment 2

Morning Moment 1

Four on Friday (15)

A moment in my garden when awareness of spring arriving and filling up the senses with light. I have two of these shrubs in my garden and both beckon as beacon towards the longer days of light and the promise of the multitude of blooms and buds to come through the rest of spring and summer. In the brightness of a memorably warm clear blue sky day these small vibrant flowers caught my eye on a Friday afternoon and I was glad. It's a quince if you were wondering.

Always

Often when I catch glimpse of the wonders that the Earth places before my eyes so freely I am overcome in wonder and joy. This was so when I saw pussy willow buds waving in a stiff wind bringing promise of lighter days yet to come and new and perfect growth for the moment.

Looking at them closely is to realise their fragility and resilience and understand this is the dark and light in all life which will find meaning in its living especially when echoing the rhythm of the Earth where its life and impetus may be found and expressed in truth and the simplicity of being, which is the most complex realisation a human heart can engage with it seems to me.

Four on Friday (14)

The rain stopped, the sky cleared, the wind did not drop and myself plus RnB walked along the river path. At four I found myself discovering a waiting room :0) Goodness knows who or how these skeleton chairs arrived at this place. Would be fun to have 'someone' just prising them apart for the all important meeting between stone river and tree. I loved the echo of autumn in their rust guilded shape and the space for spring to begin to capture and transform the scene in and around them. I'll go back and check if a table has arrived or the empty sign has been pinned up again in the next week or so.

Would

Would

Would I walk away. Yes
Would I feel annoyance. Yes
Would I express the annoyance clearly and calmly. Yes
Would I be angry. No
Would I express anger. Yes
Would I listen to another’s distress. Yes
Would another listen to my distress. No
Would I hear another’s confusion. Yes
Would another hear my confusion. No
Would I collude. No
Would I encourage another’s collusion. No
Would I be willing to pay the price . Yes
Would I hurt for standing firm. Yes
Would I regret my stand. No
Would I challenge, confront and create. Yes
Would I conform. No
Would I cry in pain. Yes
Would I sob in frustration and fear. Yes
Would I laugh at the dark. Yes
Would I smile through the fear and find light. Yes
Would I visit the temple of Rhinestone and Glitz. No
Would I tarry in the palace of If-Only-What-If. No
Would I feel bereft. Yes
Would I find gift and understanding in the loss. Yes
Would I share laughter with strangers. Yes
Would I receive happy moment from friends. Yes
Would I find the bottom of the clean washing pile. No
Would I route out all the dirty washing. Yes
Would I be able take off the crampons and belay line lately used to get to my bed. No
Would I discover the whole floor in workroom. No
Would I fall asleep lying on the bathroom floor. Yes
Would I be loved and tested to extreme by two dogs. Yes
Would I discover the kitchen sink really has a bottom. Yes
Would I hold up a white flag. NEVER
Would I find love. EVERYWHERE AND ALWAYS

That would be some of this last week then.

Shadow and Light

I took the series of snaps of this piece of stone because I loved the way the light was playing on it and how within a few moments its shape and colour changed.

It was a metaphor I needed today. It is a metaphor that will take some embracing and accepting and this rock of a life feels a bit more mis-shapened than the beautiful stone above but the promise of transformation through light playing on a life is one I needed to be reminded of today midst the sense of yet another 'defeat' which in truth was none of the sort just a momentary passing place I found myself in but whose geography squeezed the breath out of me and I'm still gasping a little knowing days ahead will need to be taken slowly but with open hands and accepting heart life is and will be sweet.