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Four on Friday (14)

The rain stopped, the sky cleared, the wind did not drop and myself plus RnB walked along the river path. At four I found myself discovering a waiting room :0) Goodness knows who or how these skeleton chairs arrived at this place. Would be fun to have 'someone' just prising them apart for the all important meeting between stone river and tree. I loved the echo of autumn in their rust guilded shape and the space for spring to begin to capture and transform the scene in and around them. I'll go back and check if a table has arrived or the empty sign has been pinned up again in the next week or so.

Would

Would

Would I walk away. Yes
Would I feel annoyance. Yes
Would I express the annoyance clearly and calmly. Yes
Would I be angry. No
Would I express anger. Yes
Would I listen to another’s distress. Yes
Would another listen to my distress. No
Would I hear another’s confusion. Yes
Would another hear my confusion. No
Would I collude. No
Would I encourage another’s collusion. No
Would I be willing to pay the price . Yes
Would I hurt for standing firm. Yes
Would I regret my stand. No
Would I challenge, confront and create. Yes
Would I conform. No
Would I cry in pain. Yes
Would I sob in frustration and fear. Yes
Would I laugh at the dark. Yes
Would I smile through the fear and find light. Yes
Would I visit the temple of Rhinestone and Glitz. No
Would I tarry in the palace of If-Only-What-If. No
Would I feel bereft. Yes
Would I find gift and understanding in the loss. Yes
Would I share laughter with strangers. Yes
Would I receive happy moment from friends. Yes
Would I find the bottom of the clean washing pile. No
Would I route out all the dirty washing. Yes
Would I be able take off the crampons and belay line lately used to get to my bed. No
Would I discover the whole floor in workroom. No
Would I fall asleep lying on the bathroom floor. Yes
Would I be loved and tested to extreme by two dogs. Yes
Would I discover the kitchen sink really has a bottom. Yes
Would I hold up a white flag. NEVER
Would I find love. EVERYWHERE AND ALWAYS

That would be some of this last week then.

Shadow and Light

I took the series of snaps of this piece of stone because I loved the way the light was playing on it and how within a few moments its shape and colour changed.

It was a metaphor I needed today. It is a metaphor that will take some embracing and accepting and this rock of a life feels a bit more mis-shapened than the beautiful stone above but the promise of transformation through light playing on a life is one I needed to be reminded of today midst the sense of yet another 'defeat' which in truth was none of the sort just a momentary passing place I found myself in but whose geography squeezed the breath out of me and I'm still gasping a little knowing days ahead will need to be taken slowly but with open hands and accepting heart life is and will be sweet.

Looking Up

Even in the most supposedly mundane daily chores there is always a gift waiting to be found as long as I try to stay aware and alert to the messages to my heart.

The picture above is definitely a moment of finding a gift in the most unexpected place. Sunday found me busy catching up on the pile of bed linen and clothing that had accrued in the previous twenty-four hours or so. I was aware of course that it was a bright blue sky day why else would the washing machine have been whizzing and spinning since early morning. Having divested it of a third load I set off down the garden to check on the progress of an earlier load hoping to make room for the latest load.

I love the interaction with the weather moment by moment that using the solar dryer requires. Standing on my back step looking down the valley to gauge what sort of weather might be heading in from the sea, walking across the yard to look up the valley to see if the Beacons have not held back the latest onslaught from the north east and the calculating if I think I have enough time to hang things out and leave them for at least an hour before the rain arrives actually keeps me in touch with the nuances that is the weather here.

Four on Friday

This small project has continued even though it was not until today that I have managed to put each photo in to the album. Still have to add captions but seeing the group together made me realise that my world is truly full of colour and light and love so though the boundary lines of this world are drawn closer and closer to my cottage door the expansive nature of what I find before my eyes can do no other but thrill heart and mind and fuel imagination.

Strange to get excited about a project that I've set myself but seeing 52 images on the last Friday in December seems a goal if met to make me smile hugely and discover more than I guessed when I decided to take a photo each Friday for a year.

Transforming the years photo's into something other than an album on my blog will be considered in December, maybe a montage of them all for a 2008 calender cover!

Anyway, the photo above was taken whilst I sat on the deck of my mini-summerhouse shed in some surprising afternoon sunshine as Rhys and Banon (absent in this shot) sniffed the breeze and chased each other delightedly.

Embrace

"When all the rivers and valleys and forests and hills of the world have been priced, packaged, bar-coded and stacked in the local supermarket, when all the hay and coal and earth and wood and water has been turned to gold, what then shall we do with all the gold? Make nuclear bombs to obliterate what's left of the ravaged landscapes and the notional nations in our ruined world?" Arundhati Roy 'the algebra of infinite justice'

"If you see in any situation only what everyone else can see, you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture that you are a victim of it" S.I. Hayakawa 'Language in thought and Action'

These two thoughts followed me through my day and are still my companions as I begin to prepare for bed.

Today has been a mixed day of early morning waking to mists and chill morning air, to an all to brief walk in the brightening day midst gorse and tree then on to appointments and small daily tasks made large by circumstance.

Emergence

I came across these words today “provoke emergence” and it made me smile as I liked the rhythm they made but they seemed good words to herald the Spring Equinox which I endeavoured to mark today in small ways.

The Valley was bathed in sun and covered by blue sky early on, which was a gift in its self. The temperature was certainly chilly to say the least but the very strong north easterly wind that has been ripping through the valley in the past few days had died down and the noticeable breeze was from the south west again and though keen was not as merciless as its previous incarnation. The light was ice white in intensity which proved to be small problem for my eyes even beneath prescription dark glasses and wide brimmed hat but I was not going to retreat in to the shade of the cottage until Rhys, Banon and myself had taken huge gulps of Spring promise and enjoyed the bounty of a clear to the horizon morning.

The words I found earlier skipped around in my brain and I began to review the winter now marked as passed – and I cannot say with any great regret on my part:0) How much had my energies and intent been given over to provoking emergence I wondered and realised I won’t really be able to answer that question till Spring has turned in to Summer and Autumn has beckoned and I find myself walking in to Winter again.

That seems the great thing, emergence does not happen in an instant, it is a gradual and ongoing process but putting that word provoke before it really cheers me both in spirit and intent as it seems to encourage me not to just sit passively and wait for the right time, expect something to come to me but rather it’s about preparation, expectancy and questioning to make space for thought, prepare the foundation for action, take notice of the moment and understand it is promise for the living not the waiting.